To write once a week is a failure as there is a lot going on lately. I have no idea how strong I could be until I have to deal with everything in the past few weeks. You know I'm confident that the universe owes me a lot with all the condemnation I am receiving, and on the other hand I am thankful about the fact that I am still able to handle it gracefully and can still hasn't fail to find a reason to laugh about it. hahaha.
FAMILY
First, mother got hospitalized, as usual - just like how it can possibly be annually. Yes, she has a sickness which is not fatal but aren't curable really. So the least thing for her to do is to actually take her medications regularly and have a professional consultation monthly.
I do remind her about that, every month; and you know I'm not really the type who always have the excess energy on pushing or reminding someone to do something especially when I know they aren't willing enough. But it is my mother, she will always have the exception.
So the year started and how fast it could be we're already in the mid-year; yet, here we are being a hospital inpatient for almost a month now.
I am so thankful my father can still rightly provide financially, is so understanding, and is truly good-hearted; knowing that my mother could be really unreasonable, manipulative (which I actually find funny - I love that about her). Important thing is we're all getting through (while an elder sibling is having some nervous breakdown attacks).
After all, we have a newborn in the family from my other elder sibling, safe out and fully healthy. So there's no reason for me to be totally next to my elder sibling who's having some 'attacks' haha.
WORK
I should be done somehow discussing about the fucking mocking and some "incomplete instructions-but when you're wrong-you'll be judged from it anyway" every friday from 'this' person that gives me the "so against my nature I want to stab you in the face" feeling.
I am trying to understand this guy for months now and that is not just every end of work week -but everyday. Now I'm glad I decided to put up with it somehow. I'm not saying that I am totally getting him now (I'm still in awe with all the unecessary crap that comes out of his mouth) but I realized I am also just equally annoying him in a different way (my own way) at the same time. So I should call it quits. haha.
It's not like I'm doing in purpose to annoy him back (atleast not most of the time). It's just that this guy can be easily REALLY annoyed like;
i. when you ask him the same question more than twice (even when the first one was more than a week ago)
ii. when he knows that the question can be gotten from another source
iii. when he already told me something, and I forgot
iv. when I did something for more than the 2nd time and it is still wrong (hahaha)
v. when something is really unorganized (well, in his own standards)
I mean who has the time to be totally consumed by those? I can't believe this guy is actually unknowingly wasting his attention on those. hahaha.
Good thing is, I can see the annoyance in his face (which I always prefer from people) instead of being backstabbed, (although I know he does that too). Well, yes, I'm both being backstabbed and at the same time being judged right in front my face. so whatever! now I find it funny. hahahaha
I asked this guy to be more detailed with his instructions, and I'm glad seeing that at least, he is trying. I can tell he's being more patient too. If only he just knew that my intentions are pure in wanting to help him more.
I just can't right now as much as I want to, because I have to equalize my emotional and mental state in all areas of my life. I have to keep track or take care of myself and keep my sanity. You know it's a thing you can't just explain to others even if it's with closest friends.
Did I mention I am also broke? I can't literally afford anything right now as my income capacity has been downgraded since I decided to move on from working in the land-based casino. Shit, ugggh. Well, I know it's a thing I have to compromise to have what I want someday.
To finally end my whining about this guy, I have to admit I kinda like him. I find him really interesting. I never met someone who's all consumed with small things, who's so organized, who still works even when he's on leave, who can point out faults even when he also has the deficiency on his part, who's so unfair, moody and stubborn? (without him realizing it) I actually find him funny. I see myself on him when I was 12.
The kind-of-garbage character is so unique that's why I actually want to be friends with him. I want it to be more than professional, because this kind of guy isn't actually the type who will feel ashamed in front of you, which is authentic, it's REAL, you'll think he can't be too serious with all the insulting shit he says - but it is happening. But ofcourse it is never gonna happen because I will never do the first move ever. I just think it would be great to have a non-professional kind of conversation to this guy where I can be myself just to satisfy my curiosity in discovering his unique crappy thoughts. haha
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