She, I bet you won’t guess

• Piggybank is one of the things she used to own, and finds it adorable every now and then. It’s like a collection by accident or should I say by mistake, she had plenty of those fat figures with thin slices over, and small circles beyond. But she never made full any of it even once.
• She’s a very fan of arts in any kind, including doodles, classic Filipino films and painting. Her frustration for a lifetime includes being an artist, also being a basketball player when she was a little younger.
• She always pictures a perfect love story in the near future before he got married. And to believe that true love will only come in her career time – definitely not during college or high school.
• She might preferably take dog as a pet, but it will be actually just for now. She actually finds cats more adorable than dogs. And it’s not that obvious.
• Her legs actually got the most compliments, but; She thinks that her best feature is her jaw line and shoulder blades.
• I think she’s the only human being who got so happy with no reason at all during massive rainy days.
• Deadly scenes in movies amuses her so much, doing stunts with guns and bombs or any kind of weapons. If she will be having a chance to be an actress, she wanted to be an action star -- only if it is a Hollywood movie.
• She has this weird malfunction in her sinuses by time to time. Sinus is the center of her problem in humanity, she always sneeze more than thrice whenever there is a massive amounts of dust, dirt, smoke of vehicles along her way and the changing of temperature in a room and in the weather.
• She keeps a very old model of air-con in her room
• She doesn’t necessarily eat breakfast
• She’s actually learning to be friendly when she’s getting older. And she was blessed to have a good controllability in order to manipulate her own attitude and emotions. But burst out when she really cant take it
• She doesn’t want to be angry as possible thinking she might came out hysterical and act so D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T
• If she says, she will. No matter what happen
• She has so many unspoken words she’s trying to back up; and only the right time can convince her not to
• A natural born introvert – only interested in her own thoughts
• She’s dominating and trying hard not to be obvious for it. Apparently, it goes out naturally when she really cant take it anymore.
• Diplomacy - She loves to discover people’s mind and way of thinking without making her obvious to be like an observant – she believes that wisdom can be attain by her own knowledge and experience in meeting different kinds of people
• She’s passive communicator around people she barely know, assertive to aggressive to those people she love and value. –meaning, she actually don’t give a damn, except for her family and close friends.
• She’s very terrible with people’s names! –not so good short term memory
• She hates repetitive talking, reminders and discussions
• Only people who has creativity to look deeper who can vary her among else

A tribute

Curiosity actually bears something else - sometimes

I now smoke more than twice of amount of cigarettes I did before, and have been spending too much money in it. Aside from food and transportation, Yosi is included in my poor weekly budget and diet LOL. I have to consider 2 packs in 5days, the one that I smoke outdoor and in weekends are exempted.

This bothers me so much, I’m so worried for my very young lungs, and he just doesn’t deserve this. But on the other hand, I don’t have any plans to stop this addictive kind of thing. But well, actually I have, maybe after 5 more years.

I got to thinking about the main figures and incidents in my life that has influenced my addictive social being. And the most central figure of all is my family background. All of the immediate family members where I belong to is smoking, but I guess not as much as I do now. I’ve seen them when I was younger, though they say it was bad, I thought it wasn’t that bad to try it once if i like anyway.

Until one day a new found young yaya is in for service to take care for a 8 year old girl, too bad for this girl who got his first smoke when she was just about grade1. Since we have a small store in our house that time, I have tasted all the local brands of cigarettes, I know all the differences –menthol, blue seal , cheap to awful. It is somehow a good thing to do if your young mind is curious and you want to kill time when there is no one left at the room except you.

After that I haven’t remembered anything that makes my mind stimulated by a more curiosity. Until 4th grade, I won’t forget the moment that eight of my closest friends got into the silliest idea that a grade 4 brat could had - to try smoking inside our campus. we actually don’t mind that we have to consider that we’re in a catholic school and basically nuns are the main authority in that school. Until we were caught.

It was like a unpublished headline in our school, we are the 2nd one in entire school having this case; 1st as girls; 1st as elementary, since then every smoking cases had just followed actually. Aside from guidance counselors, school’s discipline coordinator and intermediate teacher’s faculty, I don’t know how the hell happened that the news got through the walls of high school department. Well of course I’m in the right mind now to suspect the possibility that it was via our own “teachers”. Funny huh? I guess they were so outrageously shocked-- So shocked until they don’t even care for the publicity for morality of the student behind the headline, and so shocked-- that they cannot even shut their mouth.

However, the whole process of the incident had triggered my childhood so much. I remembered the eight of us, spending regular school hours everyday in the guidance counselor or discipline officer’s office since the day it has happened; Begging not to advise additional provisions about the said tragedy in life of these little girls to their parents. We can’t barely imagine, how the HELL we’ll gonna say this kind of F*CKED-UP case to our guardians!

These girls had been probated for the 1st year of their intermediate level, and it was like we were sentenced for our whole life in that school. We were somehow famous in disguise. But in that time smoking didn't came to the point that it already became my vice. And I would not forget the idea of how the eight of us use to be much more closer and observe unity in the process. Like, “what we’ll gonna do?”, “what we’ll gonna say?”, “How we gonna act?” – “hey, we should cry while begging, like we’re gonna die because It doesn’t have to be that way”. Poor minds, not thinking that it has been finished already the moment it started to be known by the public.

Each of us got suspended for two days after the final exams LOL. Our parents advised us not to be with each other AGAIN OF COURSE – Though there were still a number who is still nice to decide that she should obey her guardian, but we have been through, some of us STILL spending time in playing kids games, recess, lunch and dismissal OF COURSE . The former eight is subtracted in a lesser number meaning each had to accept that not everyone of us is strong enough to believe in the fact that "individuality is still OVERPOWERING than the spirit of bad influence."

That’s the time that I finally found my way around my mind and tracks me down to consciousness leading about true friendship. Since then, It influenced me so well and I can say that it is one of the great contributor in my well being, that aside from immediate family and relatives, it has another phase called true friends.

True friends are more than similarities it is closely composed of individuality, character, loyalty, and time spent. And I’ll tell you a fact that: if some friends is easy to attain so it is not as valuable as compare to the ones you have hardships through.

After graduating in 6th grade i already tried every single imported cigars available in the market on that time, time had passed since then just like friends, some had gone and some had just passed,

but definitely there will be much better who will come - someone who is more deserved to be acquired. And is worth your trust by the new character or uniqueness and unconditional loyalty they use to contribute for building a tighter bond.

And i'm happy to say that this little girls who come and goes seems to be my closest friends until in this moment of time. But well, i guess it will take another story :)

Trying hard to update

Its been more than a month I think since my last post. Its crazy, the last post I made is like I’m devastated in things happening around me. But the month that had passed is a different story, well not that perfect but it is all worth it. Because I don’t have a failing grade! Weee! looks like my secret skills is somehow effective but I don’t want to live the following semesters that way again, so wasted.

Everything is weird since the day I checked my grades online, I’ve been thinking that my grades are higher compared to the last semester. I am so lucky! Not to mention that I was victimized by pickpockets in morayta for the first time, it took away my 200 pesos and 2 usb, Nothing big time! Still, lucky that my newer phone is still with me.

I was already enrolled for the summer class. Three subjects, an extension for the sophomore year. Not that excited unlike before, all the block section happens to have a start of classes in 7:30am. This is a PROBLEM. Seriously, waking up early in the morning is soooo hard for me. How will I do this? I cant do this every single WEEKDAYS!!

Main reason that I don’t have any updates is that my pc needs a reformat -virus as usual. And it takes time before my mom let me to bring this to be repaired and to shoulder in paying the prescripted bill. I had spent almost 10 days doing nothing such as reading, eating, sleeping; Going out happens to be not include in my plans. I don’t know why, its feels like I need to be recharged: be away from crowds, pollution, whatever.

I haven’t enjoyed reading that much- this time, maybe because it’s about tech commandos soldiers, in their prestigious CADS suite, a super high tech suite that is black about 7ft. tall, 200kg in weight.The whole book goes around about World War II and that's all. Nothing interesting except for the intricate names of the guns and machines that they're using and when their captain decided to demolished the Disney Land. I don’t even know why I buy this book. Maybe because of its cover, the colorful front don’t necessarily relate in its violent content. Anyway, I finished it. Not getting my expectations for the ending.

Found Thought

I love the lyrics so much as well as the whole music, been listening to it for the past few days; over and over again.. i wish this song is longer, like 10 minutes. Haha.. sometimes i am amazed realizing that i will find out the exact words in such lyrics; the words i barely can't deliver:

HAPPY VALENTINES! :)

Here Is Gone

You and I got somethin
But it's all and then it's nuthin to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah

And we wake up in the breakdown
With the things we never thought we could be, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I dont need the fallout
Of all the past that's in between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
And I can feel you falling

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

Juana Tamad

I’m experiencing too much inferiority now, I mean, I know ever since that I am not normal like the people that I use to classify that is same as my breed. Almost all of the people that I knew and vice versa were not so far the way that I behave, but this time I can say that I’m the worst one.

Before, I was afraid that too much laziness will come back to me, it was from when I was junior to senior year in high school. But I’m not like this when I became college, It’s turning back!

My procrastinating “skills” had came to its “best” meaning, my sense of productivity had finally shut down. It is sad to say, if before I’m delaying everything, now I end up not doing anything. So my end- product will just be a “smart copy” of mine from the people who’s doing the same thing. Yes of course it’s a sign of irresponsibility and immaturity or whatever you wanna call it. But you know what? I know I have to do this specific things in certain times but I really c-a-n-n-o-t! instead of meeting the things that I should do, I use to finish something else which is not needed at the moment. It’s like I don’t care in anything and seriously, it bothers me so much.

Just a while in our classroom with classmates, everybody was so busy answering a quiz. It’s about quotations and costing for one of our major subjects. I transferred seat which is at the back, so our prof wont caught me so busy waiting. As I sit I was quiet, staring to my classmates, watching them asking to each other what or how to do it, then some was busy doing their own thing. And for goodness, I was just there the hard part is that I’m “waiting” to be through it all so that the answers will be just forwarded to me, I don’t even bother to ask “what we will do?”, “what is the one we will compute in this?”

My image in this block (section) is a perfect model to illustrate juan tamad.

And this is not just something that I build up, it’s from I had observed. Any way at least I know that I have above-normal human perception. Just to make you know that I am not stringing negativity to myself.

As I watch them, I’m busy convincing my self that everything is still under control, that I won’t have any failing grade this semester. Because I’m passing everything the only difference is that I’m not doing my own layout and I have multiple absences. (Uggh! haha) Apparently, it’s true, successfully I convinced myself, LOL. Telling that, just because it is, it doesn’t mean it would be.