unconscious impulses

Apart from longing and loneliness, why is a human being cant accept trials that will enable them to handle challenge; in spite of knowing its price.
Maybe because price has its impartial premise, it always have opposite equal reaction. Here it goes..

Sometimes I feel like I should decide first
before it takes to be brave
in order to be willing in taking consequences,
so that in the end even if it fails, I wont hesitate.

The things bolded above surely have something to do in formulating firmness in my chosen settlement. Of course, I don’t want my end result to be at peril.
And I guess risk is another one.

But one thing is already certain, I guarantee that I am secured,
that I must determine the utmost important.
Hence, the most difficult part is I don’t know where should I commence.
I am not brave enough on where should I properly deliberate: mentally or emotionally.

The two has a cluster of opposing thought.
And each has different set of initial intricate circumstances.
Both are complex in their own way;
outrageous to combine.
I should only choose one to think fit.

As of now I possess the luxury of time,
all I want is to deliberate it well.

Afterall, this is something I have wished before...
(My post last year, click here)

you will know where the edge is,

after you've gone over it

1 whole week is all i need to make myself more confused. Yes more confused.
A new option that I learned while I’m having trouble in time – I want it to be useful. Right after this semester, every day I am out, all day and all night. But I found out it doesn’t help:

1. it just makes me feel less in control.
2. It doesn’t help making me feel less guilty.


Exactly just what I have thought: You can’t escape from what is really within you. That time I decided on hitting what is really in front of my face, since I am the only one who will truly help myself, I assess that I have to consider myself carefully – and first. These are the things:

1. Time
2. Pride
3. Emotion
4. Strategy


I came to thinking that you’ll never know what is the solution if you really don’t know what is the real problem. It is easy as it sounds, but there are many things you don’t want to believe even if you are the one who found it out (you don’t even want to say it aloud). Apparently, i acknowledge for the worst, and expect for the least. He’s doing games without him knowing and I have to play it practical.

The 4 mentioned above can’t be done as one at the same time. I’m not sure why emotion is included there, for the first time, but what do I expect to do? So hard! I knew it wouldn’t come, the way that I have planned. So I finally planned to take my part, take it - in the way that I know.

Now I am done.

It can’t be whole again without it’s another half. If it doesn’t , its okay.. if he will- that’s good! But it will take another story. And surely I won’t bet for something that is there but broken. My actions came out just right. No regrets

Now, it is not already up to me, i feel no pressure within. I am not the one who did not do everything in trying to make things right.

Believe me, im so tired. Tired to the fact that I don’t care about its outcome anymore. Let's just see. Bahala na. - that is what confusion makes you! haha (try it sometimes!) ^_^

horoscope

Upcoming events that you fear might be dangerous actually hold no real threat to you or to your current lifestyle, so don't spend any time worrying today. Your fears right now are not warranted at all; you may be in a more cautious phase of life, but that is only because certain things are starting to mean a lot more to you. The stakes may be getting higher, but you are completely capable of rising to the occasion. So act boldly and do not doubt yourself!


I wish this is exactly true. I found this online! kinda relates to my reality right now. lol

happy 19th year

I'm turning 19 soon and i am a little bit wary. there were so many things had happened, many things to do and a lot more to consider. My mother and i are in between fights and i don't know how we'll gonna make it up before i leave this house for prelim exam this week. i dont even remember the last time we fight like this, im so mad at her and so she is.

At the other hand, exactly on this day, i also have to make it up and condition myself to be more like "masipag" even for one day because i have to finish a lot of school works and find my own way for me to be updated for lessons that i missed. i'm not even sure if i'm gonna make it.

My birthday is on monday and i guess i dont have any idea how will i celebrate it, mentioning the major exams i have to passed, projects and assignments that i dont know if i will be able to finish or if i did im not sure if its right. But one thing is for sure, i wont have presents, money etc.. Mom wont surely give me anything. My only wish in wishing wells, simple birthday cakes is simply peace of mind ever since i was kid - and arrrghh!! im not gonna describe how annoying it will be on monday!

2009 - 2nd quarter

Every month seems to have a very much awaiting must-watch movies. And watching it right on cinemas is somewhat I call “uso” as of now. hehe


MAY - Angels & Demons

A novel brought into movie about science versus religion. The same character Robert Langdon or Tom Hanks who also play the role in The Da Vinci Code and the whole setting is in Vatican City. Honestly, I didn’t appreciate it much because I’m not just in the mood. So, I don’t understand it fully, thinking I will appreciate it more if I just read its book first. I’ll buy it within this semester, it just cost around P300. If there is a reason why I watched this it is because it was a Dan Brown’s creation! That’s all.


JUNE – Drag me to Hell

A loan officer ordered to evict an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse, which turns her life into a living hell. This one is one of my favorite latest horror movie.


JULY – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Sam Witwicky, the human caught in the war between two major robot groups called Autobots and Decepticons. The film introduces many more robots and it has been expanded to numerous countries, most notably China and Egypt. I was impressed by the effects but it has a story though!