rudimentary

Start of classes is always a pleasure for me. For the reason that i don't have to worry for something, i see it as a chance to start it rightfully. But then i am having a hard time waking up early. Start of my everyday class is 7:30 meaning, i have to wake up 6am. That was actually the time im in the middle of my dreams! And as you can notice 6am is still dark outside due to climate (Pre - Christmas season) it's so good to sleep. (sigh*) that's why i am absent for the whole 1st - 1 week! it doesn't make me feel guilty but not as the 2nd week - i missed multiple absences and quizzes. I also commit many counts of absences for some major subjects, hey! that wasn't according to my plan!

But i am lucky and blessed: adjustment - it is always very hard for me, but i am born to be done with it so fast - to the fact you cannot imagine. Major adaptations wont require months or years for me.

terminate

Kung wala ka nang gustong sabihin

Huwag ka nang tumigin ng ganyan,

Kung bukas ako'y kalilimutan

Sana naman ngayo'y
di mo na isiping ako'y tawagan

[Pre-refrain]

At habang may panahon

Huwag na nating hintaying, lumalim pa

At masakit nang tanggapin

[Chorus]

Ang pag-alis ng iyong liwanag
Na gumising sa mahabang gabi

Ika'y langit ngunit baka masanay

At di na kakayanin ang iyong pag alis

Kung wala ka ng gustong marinig

Ako'y aalis at mananahimik

Ang kahapon na nais kong limutin

Sana naman huwag ng manumbalik,

At bigyan pansin

(Repeat pre-refrain)

(Repeat chorus)

unconscious impulses

Apart from longing and loneliness, why is a human being cant accept trials that will enable them to handle challenge; in spite of knowing its price.
Maybe because price has its impartial premise, it always have opposite equal reaction. Here it goes..

Sometimes I feel like I should decide first
before it takes to be brave
in order to be willing in taking consequences,
so that in the end even if it fails, I wont hesitate.

The things bolded above surely have something to do in formulating firmness in my chosen settlement. Of course, I don’t want my end result to be at peril.
And I guess risk is another one.

But one thing is already certain, I guarantee that I am secured,
that I must determine the utmost important.
Hence, the most difficult part is I don’t know where should I commence.
I am not brave enough on where should I properly deliberate: mentally or emotionally.

The two has a cluster of opposing thought.
And each has different set of initial intricate circumstances.
Both are complex in their own way;
outrageous to combine.
I should only choose one to think fit.

As of now I possess the luxury of time,
all I want is to deliberate it well.

Afterall, this is something I have wished before...
(My post last year, click here)

you will know where the edge is,

after you've gone over it

1 whole week is all i need to make myself more confused. Yes more confused.
A new option that I learned while I’m having trouble in time – I want it to be useful. Right after this semester, every day I am out, all day and all night. But I found out it doesn’t help:

1. it just makes me feel less in control.
2. It doesn’t help making me feel less guilty.


Exactly just what I have thought: You can’t escape from what is really within you. That time I decided on hitting what is really in front of my face, since I am the only one who will truly help myself, I assess that I have to consider myself carefully – and first. These are the things:

1. Time
2. Pride
3. Emotion
4. Strategy


I came to thinking that you’ll never know what is the solution if you really don’t know what is the real problem. It is easy as it sounds, but there are many things you don’t want to believe even if you are the one who found it out (you don’t even want to say it aloud). Apparently, i acknowledge for the worst, and expect for the least. He’s doing games without him knowing and I have to play it practical.

The 4 mentioned above can’t be done as one at the same time. I’m not sure why emotion is included there, for the first time, but what do I expect to do? So hard! I knew it wouldn’t come, the way that I have planned. So I finally planned to take my part, take it - in the way that I know.

Now I am done.

It can’t be whole again without it’s another half. If it doesn’t , its okay.. if he will- that’s good! But it will take another story. And surely I won’t bet for something that is there but broken. My actions came out just right. No regrets

Now, it is not already up to me, i feel no pressure within. I am not the one who did not do everything in trying to make things right.

Believe me, im so tired. Tired to the fact that I don’t care about its outcome anymore. Let's just see. Bahala na. - that is what confusion makes you! haha (try it sometimes!) ^_^

horoscope

Upcoming events that you fear might be dangerous actually hold no real threat to you or to your current lifestyle, so don't spend any time worrying today. Your fears right now are not warranted at all; you may be in a more cautious phase of life, but that is only because certain things are starting to mean a lot more to you. The stakes may be getting higher, but you are completely capable of rising to the occasion. So act boldly and do not doubt yourself!


I wish this is exactly true. I found this online! kinda relates to my reality right now. lol