take it all out

I know I speak too simple and plain which appears to be very direct. I can be very defensive about being dominated too because I am more than well aware about betrayals of worst kinds in a workplace; I fully understand that politics in a workplace is normal, shouldn't be offensive and nothing personal; which I do take as a strength of mine.

If it's making you uncomfortable, intimidated, you are no different with those who can't comprehend a very simple non-sugarcoated words where everyone in this world is used to. I'll say you're just one of those typical weak-judgmental heads I've had encountered who regards confrontation as a bad trait. Coward.

To have a better understanding especially about other people, you ask. If you chose not to, then don't judge. How come you do waste your own energy about others who has nothing to do with you? And how the fuck you people can find a time talking behind someone's back? Respect that some people are reserved. People who refused to be like a bunch of mediocre-predictable people like you.

I'm so tired dealing with too much vulnerability, who can't handle simple honesty and shit. I've tried adjusting many-many times, because maybe it just happened that most of you haven’t grasped yet that work is work, nothing is personal. 
 
It exhausts me every end of the day, because what it means to me is a total downplay believing it is better to remain silent than to speak myself; which will eventually get me right back where I’ve started thinking "i can’t be in a place where I can’t be me, I'll be a total package of a silent-underestimated fool. I should be working in somewhere other than Manila where people has a whole garbage brain made of extreme sensitivity."

And to summarize the text above, it will be just like this:

Who else among us who prefers this world to be simpler? I'm starting to think it can only be me.

being done

I’ll write anything I want.  No points and coherence. I’ll decide what it will have to be, just wanting to have my way for once.

I’ll tell you something, we all want to have what we think we deserve, but you will not be aware of it unless you already know you’re getting some that you don’t. I’ll refuse, and always will be. I would rather have nothing.

The intention of thinking positively, to not hurt others, to have faith and to ask for mercy – what does it mean? You get the finest opposite of it in return anyway. Frustrations, disappointments, betrayal and judgments – we’ll endure. But you have to do something before it poisons the soul; before the sense of fighting for yourself to make this world a beautiful place to live-- be gone.

Rock bottom, I surrender.  After everything through, I don’t know what I know anymore. The time is up, I was strong, incorrigible for it to happen. I have lifted everything to you. When is the time to understand all of this? The world has bigger problems, still, I’m keeping my hopes up, the only one I’m holding on to. Doubting to whom and whom?  Are the demands really that high. Are the abilities really that low.

Probably, I just want to climb a mountain, sweat like I have never been before. Going up high screaming my lungs out, enjoying the sound of the wind and water; seeing morning sunlight in a very cool weather. I would love to breathe a fresh air, in a night with a very visible stars shining in its best, to the point I’ll be certain that tomorrow will be the brightest sunny day I could ever witness.

the comeback

I never had a plan to stop writing. I feel like the last post was only yesterday. I've done some back read and I am very glad I've recorded thoughts from years ago just like how we keep photographs. (by the way, I've failed to recover my pictures in the now defunct multiply.com. That's worth of 4 years of my life, I'm still frustrated about it). That's why I'm not gonna let that happen again; missing a thought without writing it.

From july 2013 (my birthday month), the universe had added two years in my age. To say that "a lot had happened" is underrated, but to describe it on its simplest, i'll say "nothing had actually stayed the same".

In detail, I have experienced losing something that I think is real and I have gone mad because it's out of my control. Then, I moved on; deviated to another plan, discovered a new strength and knowledge, and later on I decided to come back to what I think I deserve in the first place. And now here I am, not even halfway through, searching again for the next door.

I don't know if i'll be happy or not for the fact that I am very capable of moving on from the things I don't want to up with. Others will probably think that the situation is messed up, but looking back, I became an enthusiast of major changes, no fears. I have learned to see the beauty in new beginnings. 

Knowing the capability and having the privilege of doing so just when I feel like it is overwhelming. It's too easy and gotten used to it to the point I started thinking what if the real challenge is to put up to everything you don't want? That's how I think how privileged I am, because I've never done that -- putting up with something I don't want, to fear about an incoming end.Haha

Is it a measure of maturity? Taking responsibility of yourself as an adult?

I might have been 2 years older and never got matured enough, maybe LOL. But to take responsibility of yourself also means to cater what you need; to live up in the standards you want for yourself. Because if you can't give what you want for your own life and cannot get rid of the things you don't want, then who will do it for you? just you. 

You are the king, queen of your life, you are the boss. Do what you want anytime you want it! Don't limit your self, the life were living is ours.

So the challenge is to put up, I might be wrong, I might be right but it doesn't matter because i'll take it.

After having the next one :)

untitled

An individual who intentionally established themselves as creatively genius, along with the counterfeit superiority; and is engaged with politics that involves crabs in the bucket without looking responsible of it. Also, tolerates everyone who's doing the same without making him/her a constitute of the said habits.

AND YOU STILL THINK YOU ARE DISCREET?! Aww... you truly are full of shit. Some people deserves to be stuck and deceived in a place where everyone thought is someone's lost.

in search of