respectfully yours

I had once overheard a conversation with my mom and an old man of which is a close family friend of ours; that had made my way in my own perception about respect, and finally was expressed in the right words.

We were in a private hospital room, together with his family. We visited him as he is really sick and the doctor already had set the time. The old man is well known being accomplished, the kind of old man you’ll know, who’s living in his finest providing only the best to his family and grandchildren.

I don’t usually listen to my mom’s conversations but this one I can’t help but notice, that despite the situation of physical sickness, the cheery sound in his voice is alive. He’s telling stories about his life he had lived. The rhythm of story-telling isn’t bragging but proud, glorious but not much of self-admiring, comical and at the same time with sense.

When everyone in the room is in the midst of laughing, he paused for awhile glance to everyone’s face, and took a deep breath. Then he said:

(1)“expecting respect from other people shouldn't be in an instant, just like an investment in business. You don’t just walk in a room as the manager or owner and then expect everyone to honor you.” (2)“you plant goodness in people, just like a seed: you have to work for it by planting it to your fellowmen, and when that seed grows into a plant, that’s when you get REAL respect”

His words made me promptly think deep. Not because I don’t understand but because I instantly do. The exact statement had answered all the traces of my confusions before, my difference that I noticed from most people of my age. The confusion that had led me to guilt and once made me felt like disrespectful ever since I was a growing teenage kid. (But don’t judge me yet, I’m always polite, it’s just that respect is another thing.)

The seed or goodness he’s talking about ISN’T FULLY about:

Food for those who are starving.

House to those doesn’t have shelter.

Any kind of support to our elders.

In short;

Charity to those in need. or;

Specialized expertise ahead to others.

But It can also mean providing and giving the following:

Trust for a business partner.

Encouragement for a close friend.

Inspiration or hope for the future to those who lacks it.

Honesty to your kids, partner and parents.

Time to those people who matters to you.

And all things mentioned in vice-versa.

If the seed grew healthily and had appreciated your goodwill, It will give fruits and shiny green leaves, the effort you had planted will be reciprocated.

In a simpler point of view from mine, respect is like love you have to give and take:

A teacher who believes in finding the potential in his/her students.

Parents who gives unconditional love and understanding to their kids.

A husband who loves his wife through better and for worst.

An employer who gives much generosity to its employees.

A priest who takes time finding out how to deliver effectively the word of God in his next sermon.

So you see? You don’t just be like do your work for the best for yourself ONLY, and at the end of your success, expect everyone to respect you. You’ll get politeness maybe, which is part of good manners, but not the kind of politeness which is still effective behind your back. In order to be respected it’s either you have to give it first, or give it back.

The old man died in the most luxurious room in one of the best hospital in the country. His wake took place in the most expensive chapel in the metro, his coffin bought from a signatured funeral home and is buried in a well architectured tomb. The family and friends he had left behind generously made the end of his life making sure that he will get only the best and the finest.

If people just knew this, they won’t be surprised why there were some who’s not acting accordingly they can't explain; WHEN does it truly matter and to WHOM it is not. And if people just truly understood this, they won’t be surprised why they can only provide politeness and nothing more in front of some certain persons or authority they've met.